Sep 30 2008
Just Incase G.I. Joe Didn’t Quite Cover It, Colonel Pryer Picks Up The Slack
Archive for September, 2008
Sep 26 2008
The Liberal East Coast Media Bias: Reader’s Respond
Dear DontPry,
While I enjoyed the Boston Marmaduke’s educational article about the perceived bias in media, I couldn’t help but wonder if such an article only proves the point i,e that you all still look down on these people in Omaha or wherever. In fact, the Marmaduke doesn’t really explain his point but only shows that he is still condescending to mid-west views. Maybe he should be reminded of you all’s great article on the subject? - Alex K. (Newcastle, IN)
Sep 25 2008
What is the Liberal East Coast Media Bias?
DontPry ON THE ROAD - The Duke Reports from the Mid-West
(OMAHA) - The Liberal Media is a phrase comically overused and woefully effective; it has survived a few elections and risen from a backroom curseword to the dinner table conversation. These days, the phrase is running for the highest office in the land…
In this election year (the ‘change’ election of course), we are meant to believe that bi-partisan interests have trumped furious blue state/red state bickering. Though once again, the fears that divide us are pushed to the forefront, and our conversation leapfrogs what concerns us all. As a New Yorker, I couldn’t have felt more isolated these past few years, as much of America rallied behind our ever unpopular President. So, I am on the road, asking the ‘red’ voters about the state of things, and that awful phrase came up more than any Senator or Governor’s name. Continue Reading »
Sep 18 2008
A Party for the Ages
(NEW YORK) - I have just returned from Boston to wish Chief Pryer off on his much needed vacation. Our interns have just posted photos of the party here.
Baron Von Cat Eyes is back in America having received a police escort from Logan Airport to a Pryer’s house in Brighton. We relocated there after the good people at Union Street got nervous when the delivery of the plastic tarps and hot oil arrived. Pryer San Diego was being kicked out for a seperate incident when he joined Col. Pryer in a slang filled rant against the manager and police. Despite all this, the authorities released the cargo and the Dutch women’s under-21 field hockey team into our custody so the night could continue as planned. Safe travels to our staff and see you on the B-Side!
Sep 13 2008
Craigslist Comedy Part III: Oh Dear Fat Sauna Gawker
From the dirty vaults of the list that Craig made comes an uncomfortable tale of a gawking fat man. This poor cat had to deal with the shadow puppets and I’m sure his life may never be the same. enjoy…. Continue Reading »
Sep 11 2008
Ye Gods and Little Fishes!
(CEBU CITY)- Ask a zealous voter and they’ll tell you change can be accomplished in four years–but what about seven? Is it a bell curve? 9/11 a score later and the tracks of an unforgettable Tuesday morning are clear as a harvest moon. Paranoia up the wang, as my barber tells me. Every new show, movie and video game asks you to indulge the most irrational of conspiracy theories and the apathy meter for politics, social ills and world events has a fever to warm an eskimo. Distracted by the flesh, are we? Republicans drooling under starlight, how comfortable does Sarah Barracuda really make you feel? I am not swayed by Ms. Palin. She is a tactical choice; she is smart and fearless; but she fascinates because she is at once the embodiment of reform to (dim) Republicans and old fashioned, Student Council politics to (burned out) liberals. She is both an asshole and an inspiration, and she divides the American people so effectively, McCain’s team had to tape their boners to their thighs for the week of the DNC. But fuck , I read all of this in a 10×10 room underneath the worst street in Beijing. To me, we seem so 90210 from across the pond, especially when at the height of my misbehaving, the arresting officer was more concerned with the Clintons than the actual candidates. My cellmate, a Japanese national and physics teacher in Shenyang, says that the affection towards America is similiar to that of a grandparent: you are born into it and you never question it, but eventually at a certain age you will have to realize that your kin will die before your eyes….the Chinese lick their lips like we are hunched over a steel sink, puking our life away.
Sep 11 2008
Elephant Artist Fights Addiction
BEIJING, China - Chinese state media say an Asian elephant that became addicted to heroin at the hands of illegal traders will return home after a three-year rehab program. This is the very same elephant that we mentioned in our “Amazing elephants and some tales” article back on May 22nd, 2008.