Oct 31 2008
Bennington, VT - Six-year-old Molly Facon was looking forward to wearing her cheerleader costume and celebrating Halloween with her schoolmates, until her mom got a letter saying there would be “no observance” of Halloween at all schools in Bennington.
Oct 30 2008
(CHICAGO) - Word has reached the McCain camp about the recent meeting between our staff and President Bush, and the now infamous quote from George W has erased a few of our friends on the Senator’s team. Gov. Palin and Sen. McCain were recently in Chester, PA when I was able to sneak in a quick question as they shook hands and left for the day. I backed into a few screaming kids, took fifteen steps with the candidates, at times close enough to notice the tiny smudge of auburn lipstick on Gov. Palin’s right cheek. When they made it outside, I seized my chance, “Are you ready to admit that this campaign is less about hope and more about fear, especially when 41 uses of the phrase ‘we cannot allow Democrats to seize control’ and 10 uses of “this is no time to experiment with Socialism’ appeared just this week?” Continue Reading »
Oct 30 2008
HANOI, Vietnam: (DP) Vietnam is considering banning small-chested drivers from its roads — a proposal that has provoked widespread disbelief in this nation of slight people.
Oct 27 2008
As the days to the election wind down I can’t help but be intrigued with the local candidates. One in particular has been a real mover and shaker, and I would like to take this time to get you up to date with Russell M. Pry.
Oct 20 2008
(KIAWAH ISLAND, SC) - Jah Rastafapry is, among many things, a visionary, so it seemed fitting that during my stay in his “mansion in the mangroves” President George W. Bush was vacationing just down the road on Kiawah Island. Quite the day for our old friend George: in the morning, brief the American public on the economic crisis in a way that confirms neither the President nor his people will have much of a chance zooming down Shit’s Creek, followed by a short flight to South Carolina for holiday. The afternoon, I presume, included golf and non-alcoholic beer, maybe a walk with the dog. What was not penciled in I can assure you, was a 5PM bull session in the PGA Executive Board Room with the political braintrust of DontPry.com
Oct 19 2008
As the Don’t Pry road show continues we have come across many unique characteristics to each state we pass through. For example, every sign in the state of Tennessee uses the same font as the font on the Jack Daniels bottle. At first I found this very hard to believe, but when a local told me to research James Robertson, aka “father of Tennessee”, I was overwhelmed with the story.
Oct 16 2008
Underaged drinking is a growing problem in some cities. However this past weekend, Savannah-Chatham Police with the help from some Pryers, as they referred to themselves, cracked down on some local watering holes that were serving minors.
Oct 10 2008
Alliteration and obliteration are two things that describe the Mountain Meadows Massacre of 1857. The Fancher-Baker Party was a group of emigrants heading to California from northwestern Arkansas when they stopped to rest and feed their 800 head of cattle in Mountain Meadows - a large valley within the Utah Territory. Little did these weary travelers know, the Utah militia - crazed Mormons bent on preserving their ludicrous way of life within “The Kingdom of God” - were on constant patrol of the area and preparing for a fight with Uncle Sam’s Army. As was typical of these Indian-slaughtering, religious-fanatics throughout “history,” two Mormon leaders - Isaac “Monger” Haight and John “More-Man” Lee - led a small group of militiamen disguised as Indians and a contingent of actual Paiute tribesmen in an attack on the emigrants, hoping the Indians would be killed off. Valiantly, the Fancher-Baker Party fought back and the Mormon’s Indian-charade turned into a painstaking four-day siege. Miffed at his flock’s inability to snuff out the travelers, Brigham Young declared a twisted, Mormon-style martial-law that essentially called for the elimination of the wagon-train. On September 11th, “More-Man” Lee and his militia-men entered the decimated fortifications and convinced the party - who thought they were under attack by actual Indians - that he had negotiated a truce with the Paiutes and that they could find safety in nearby Cedar City. Bamboozled, the members of the wagon train exited their fortifications and were subsequently massacred by their would-be saviors. In all, 120 died but the Mormon’s complicity was saved, as all involved were sworn to secrecy. Or so they thought. “History” would prove to show that this was just one in a number of bizarre acts surrounding the Mormon faith - like sexual deviance and sobriety.
Brigham Young: Holy Profet or Prypetual Psychopath?
Oct 10 2008
Mendoza, Argentina:
Bodies can be a real pain in the ass to hide. Especially when there are so many of them. But General Jorge Videla was one creative bastard of a dictator and found fun new ways to get ride of the evidence, as the Dirty War raged into the 80’s and the rest of the world began to actually take note. Mendoza is now one of Argentina’s top tourist attractions, and is producing great Melbec wine. Its unique taste is finally starting to receive the international recognition it deserves happens to be grown in this region . I was able to stay in the lovely city for two and a half weeks and while I was there, began to hear sick and twisted tales from La Guerra Sucia, which I will explain should you choose to read on. (Be warned: The follow is not for the weak of stomach.)
Dont Pry
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