Other works of art in R. Kelly’s game room collection awaiting appraisal include a sculpture in the shape of a smiley face made of yellow empty condom wrappers thought to be commenting on the Pied Piper’s legal triumphs over accusations of sexual improprieties that included references to a sexual act known colloquially as the “golden shower” and another sculpture of a stomped upon Gremlin action figure with a Hostess lemon fruit pie wrapper strangling its neck, believed to be an allusion to Mr. Show Biz’s fear of pie eating midgets. In addition, there are rumors about a privately commissioned piece including the infamous “drawers.”
Anyone who watches soccer these days knows that John Terry, midfielder for Chelsea, isn’t straped for cash. However don’t tell his Mom and Mother-in-law because today they were caught loading £800-worth of stolen store goods into a car.
We all know that seeing pink elephants is a euphemism for drunk hallucinations. However a wildlife cameraman has taken some pictures in Botswana that may prove the visions of your town drunk.
Nudity scared the pants off of Victorian Europeans. It has been argued by “historians” that that is why the Yaghan people of the Tierra Del Fuego no longer exist. These “nude-savages” lived in and around Cape Horn, South America in some of the harshest weather on earth (300 days of rain per year) without shelter or clothing - they remained nude because it made more sense in the rain as any type of clothing would have saturated them further. Megellan and Francis Drake were among the earliest to get a peek at the Yaghan, but their decline didn’t really begin until the prudish Victorians arrived in 1831. On the little-known first voyage of the HMS Beagle, Robert “Fitzy” FitzRoy - sickened at the sight of skin - took four “specimens,” as he referred to them, back to England for examination and refinement. One died immediately when the explorers “put clothes on it,” Fitzy wrote. The three Yaghan’s taken were successfully unnudified by exposure to Victorian England, but the exposure effectively ended their civilization. The last full-blooded Yaghan died in 2005.
London, England - Scientists from the University of Liverpool have concluded that there is a strong link between masturbation and human blindness. The study was conducted using information from over forty years of observations. Continue Reading »
NEW YORK – Kanye West in a sit down interview, which will be aired this weekend, told a crowded room of reporters that he will be working on a new colaboration. The beats for this new project will be all Kanye originals, but the lyrics will be coming from a higher power, the late Pope John Paul II.
The members of Phish announced today that they will be playing a pair of shows in Boston’s legendary Fenway Park, home of the Red Sox. Our sources at Live Nation have informed us that Phish will be playing on May 31st. It will be the band’s first trip to Fenway park and the spokesperson claims that they are stoked to play on the legendary field.
Paris, Seattle (DP) – Don’t be surprised if your kids start coming home with better grades because as of March 6th the PRYERS will be lending a hand. In light of our countries minor recession, which I heard from a good friend was supposed to end last Tuesday, our authors will now be doing the homework for any child interested in paying the right price.
MALMO (DP) – Video Gamers lookout: Keeping too tight a grip on the console and furiously pushing the buttons can cause a newly identified skin disorder marked by growths behind your ears, Swedish scientists said on Saturday.
