(SAN GIL, COLOMBIA) - Do not confuse your volcanic ash clouds with your methane bubbles detonating oil rigs; remember it is Paki Taliban and not Afghani Taliban trying to put a dent on Manhattan real estate. No use knifing strangers at the pub for their love of earthquaked Haitians when it is mined over Chinese you thought your were defending. Sometimes, when I have trouble remembering which religion ruins women’s lives the most, I ask myself “Is there a hat involved?” Christians dig hair, Jews trust hats, and the rest cover their skin in ways not resembling any first, second, or third baseman (that I know of anyways). Ah, but then again, why worry about some Greek’s feta budget when there is no way to tell Facebook friends how much you like crisis?I became a fan of those mangy dogs that keep shitting in front of the Athens police, mainly to encourage my own mutts to ignore the tear gas and chomp a cop or two, but for those of you on Dogbook, they are much stingier about liking or becoming a fan of anything inedible.I believe in free will, the power to hold in farts, and likely, the existence of a black god who is just testing to see if anyone says “colored” alone at home. Once in awhile, when the mood is right, I call the Boston Marmaduke and ask him to read me some of my letters from the 60s. We were out of control then, breathing cigarette smoke 45 hours a day, eating everything paired with American Whiskey, and using toothpaste that was charcoal filtered. To say we outlasted the rest is an understatement; my five closest friends from college all died from cocaine/disco gloryhole related deaths in 1977. But, now all those old faces are finding each other on the internet and ignoring their children in whole new stay at home ways. Selling pot, somehow, is just not as fun anymore. Search: bong rips Boston College High School and there is tomorrow’s sales pitch. Just imagine those explanations we will give our grandchildren: “In those days, social media outgrew us, and once it understood the basics of divide and conquer, we were all back to the gulag shaving each other’s privates.” Our future in a nutshell, eh comrade? Click on the Disasters/Genocide tab on CNNewYorkTimeWarner.com and link all the blurbs to your iFBook iProfile where friends and johns can donate skinny jeans to West Virginia or leave hateful comments about the Port Au Prince port authority.Andy Warhol said it best, “Netscape is too slow.” The speed of information dilutes the power of knowing. One hand with no fingers can still jerkoff. Five hands with no cock will get bored and start picking scabs. Turn off the iVoice inside and give up the lust.recorded by Arturo Belano, Chilean poet 5/9/10 Restaurante Pelon y Diego, San Gil, Colombia 

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